Why Mothers Need a Village
This week is Maternal Mental Health Awareness week, and along with many other practitioners working with new mothers, I am participating to share my expertise to support as many new mums as possible.
The first I ever heard about maternal mental health was when I went to the GP with my positive at-home pregnancy test. He asked me about my mental health history and said ‘Are you aware that we now talk about perinatal depression rather than just postnatal depression?’. I nodded quickly and we moved on. A similar conversation ensued at my 8 week GP checkup which, to save time, was lumped in with my son’s 8 week check up and vaccinations.
“1 in 10 new mothers are known to suffer postnatal depression”
I don’t have a history of mental health worries (although I have had low moments and times of anxiety in the past), and so far in my perinatal journey I have not suffered.
But 1 in 10 new mothers are known to suffer postnatal depression and many more are likely to go undiagnosed due to shame and feelings of failure if they seek help.
What is PND?
After childbirth, women often experience fluctuating moods. Within the first week, usually day 3–5 after childbirth, around the time the mature milk ‘comes in’, most new mums experience the Baby Blues. They might feel:
Weepy
Sensitive
Anxious
Overwhelmed
These feeling usually pass within a few days and by the end of the first week most mums feel fine again.
Postnatal depression is much more all-consuming and debilitating. A new mum might experience:
Feelings of lethargy
Hopelessness
Loss of interest in baby
Not wanting to look after herself
Appetite loss
Poor sleep, or excess sleep
Crying a lot
This can last for weeks and occur at any stage during pregnancy and within the first couple of years of motherhood. More recently it has been understood and accepted that new fathers can also experience postnatal depression.
Causes and risk factors
The cause of postnatal depression can be wide-ranging, although these factors play a part:
Sudden changes in hormones
Traumatic birth (this is more common than you might think!)
Psychological trauma from a previous incident in the past
Nutrition insufficiencies (more on this in a future post).
You might be more at risk of postnatal depression if you:
Have experienced previous depression
Have a family history of postnatal depression
Have had a past psychological trauma.
But so often, the causes for postnatal depression can be unknown, because so many factors might play a part. And one huge one is the isolation and loneliness many new mums experience once they’ve given birth. Often they feel like they’ve lost their identity or their purpose in life, and with partner back to work after just 2 weeks off and family and friends living far away, their focus becomes so consumed by the new baby. And this is right - that is what a mother is for, to nurture and nourish this newborn. But without the support, guidance and advice of elders and more experienced mothers around her, who is there to mother the mother? Who is looking after the new mum? Who is making sure she is nourished and nurtured? Who heals and holds her?
Building a village
When I work with clients, I get them to think through what their postnatal support network - or village - looks like. Ideally this starts in pregnancy so they can plan for their postnatal period in advance (quick poll: how many pregnant mums write a birth plan? But how many write a postnatal plan?!).
I get them to think about:
How they want to manage visitors in the first few days, weeks and months after giving birth
Who they can count on to talk to them, clean for them, hold the baby so mum can nap
What food they love to eat and who can cook them
Who they need to ensure their wellbeing and recovery gets on track
What they love doing that makes them feel relaxed and happy
What they can do in 5, 10, 30 minutes without a baby
How their relationships with their partner might change.
Your support network can be family near and far, virtual or in person, long-standing friends or brand new ones, paid for or given generously. There is in fact a lot of support out there, but you might need to look for it. Be brave and make yourself a priority. For once, you come first. And this time, you get to ask for help, say yes when people offer help, and say no when someone asks you to do something that will affect your ability to nourish and nurture yourself and your baby.
Next week, in Part 2 of my mental health awareness blog posts, I’m going to write about the question on all new mum’s minds - how the hell do I get some rest with a newborn?!