5 Reasons Your Newborn Wants You to Hold Them All the Time
Does your newborn baby refuse to be put down? Does she seem fast asleep in your arms, arms floppy, no amount of noise will wake her up, only to immediately startle awake the minute you put her down in her Moses basket? Are you finding that the ONLY place she will sleep is on your chest - leaving you terrified to fall asleep yourself?
You're not alone. And there are several good reasons for it.
1. We are a carrying species
Just like other primates, our babies expect to be picked up and held from the time they're born to the time they can start moving independently. When babies are picked up, you can feel their little babies brace because they expect to be carried. You know that adorable grasping reflex newborn babies have? It's probably a leftover from when we had fur and our babies used the reflex to grasp on to our fur so they could be carried around. Without it, they would not have survived. Babies lose this reflex by six months old if they're developing normally, which is also when they start learning to explore the world around them more.
2. They can smell you
When babies are up on your chest , they can smell you. And you smell just like you did throughout pregnancy. The bumps on your nipples secrete oil that smells exactly like the amniotic fluid your baby was floating around in for 9 months. And that smell is completely unique to you so if baby can smell you, she knows that she is safe.
3. You help regulate their temperature
When babies are first born, they aren't very good at regulating their own body temperature. When their cheek touches the skin on your chest, your skin reacts and changes temperature according to what baby needs. So if baby is too cold, you can help warm them up; if baby is too hot, you help cool them down. I have seen this happen almost perceptively with my son when he's running a temperature - just half an hour of skin to skin time on my chest has seen his temperature drop right down again. (Obviously continue monitoring your baby's temperature and if they are distressed or in pain and their temperature is very high, call your GP or 111 out of hours.)
4. Having baby on your chest raises oxytocin levels
Oxytocin is the hormone that we produce during sex and orgasms, childbirth to power contractions and breastfeeding to release the milk from you milk-making cells. Oxytocin makes us feel relaxed, helps us bond with our baby and in love with our family. For you as mum, it helps lower stress hormones, reducing the likelihood of postnatal depression as well as speed up recovery from postnatal depression, any birth trauma or wounds from surgery. For baby it also helps to lower stress hormones, regulate breathing, heart rate and temperature.
5. Helps your baby to digest better
When baby is lying on your chest, their legs tend to be bent up in a frog-like (or foetal!) position and they are propped up slightly rather than laying flat. This helps their digestive system to work better because their muscles are more relaxed and gravity is working with them to keep things where they should be.
The first three months after birth (also known as the fourth trimester) is the period our baby needs us the most. It is the period of the most intense growth and development, and they need your presence to allow that to happen. It can be frustrating and even suffocating, but understanding why our baby needs us so much from a purely biological, physiological and hormonal point of view can be hugely reassuring to know that there's nothing wrong with our baby or how we are parenting.
Eventually, with time, baby will let you put them down, and they will sleep for what feels a miraculous amount of time. I promise.