How to Find More Time for Yourself as a Mother
How many times have you been told how important 'self-care' is? How important it is to look after yourself?
Ughh.
If you're anything like me - mum to a toddler, pregnant, working, coping with life - you look at your schedule and congratulate yourself on even finding the time to look at your schedule.
But also, if you're anything like me, you have noticed you're not quite who you used to be. Maybe you're grumpy and impatient. Maybe you've started feeling low and isolated. Maybe you're overwhelmed, resentful, feeling touched out.
Maybe you complain about not having any time to yourself, but you do find yourself on the social media scroll time suck.
That's definitely me. Did you know that iPhone has a function call Screen Time that tells you how much time you've spent on your phone? The other day I had a quick look at it - apparently in one week I spend up to 24 hours on my phone. TWENTY FOUR HOURS! That's a whole day. In one week. At this rate in a whole year I would lose 52 days - almost two months. In ten years that's 520 days - more than a year.
Now I'm not so sure I am so time poor. Do I really want to get to 90 years old and realise that I've spent 1/7th of those years on my phone?
I think not.
Don't get me wrong, it can be a lovely switch-off to spend a bit of time on social media.
The difference is, it's easy to quickly flick onto Facebook or Instagram for a quick scroll in between things or while (finally!) sitting down for a cup of tea. And before I know it a lot more time has gone by than I intended.
It's NOT so easy to carve out regular time for yoga, or for a new exercise routine, or going for a walk, or all the other things that would be more fulfilling and nourishing.
But what if we stop seeing self-care as a nice extra but as necessary as eating and sleeping? What if we actually choose to put ourselves first? What if we said NO to our phones and YES to ourselves?
What would be the long term impact of this? For one, you'll get a whole day back a week - score!
And what if finding the time was as easy as having a cheeky Facebook session?
Introducing Mini Me-Moments
I actually hate the concept of 'self-care' because I think it puts a huge onus on us to do something major for ourselves - when most of the time we barely have time to have a proper shower. It's not about a grand gesture or favour to ourselves. It's about doing something small every day that has an accumulative positive effect on us - kind of the opposite of the social media time scroll time suck, where going on your phone for a small amount of time has an accumulative negative effect.
So here's introducing the concept of mini me-moments. Moments just for you. Small pockets of time and space between other moments where you might be alone, that you use for yourself before rushing into the next moment.
This will look different for everyone - because everyone has different lives. But the sort of moments I'm talking about are like...
After making the bed and before you leave the bedroom
After your shower and before brushing your teeth
After brushing your teeth and before leaving the bathroom
While waiting for your tea to brew
After you’ve ninja rolled away from sleeping baby
After you’ve laid down but before you go to sleep
Many of us fill those in-between moments with other mother-y/family-y things like hanging up clothes discarded on the floor, or doing a quick wipe down of the bathroom sink, or putting clean dishes away.
I'm saying stop doing those things in that moment and start doing something for yourself.
So for example:
Make your bed, then hold five yoga poses for five breaths each
Have your shower, then sit on the toilet seat and do ten breaths for four counts in, four counts out
Put the kettle on, then do five kettlebell swings and ten squats
The key to making it stick is to do it straight after doing something you already do without thinking. The other key is to properly plan it out - don't just wing it. Have a think about your day and identify three in-between moments you think you can manage to sneak in. Then identify what you can do for each one. If you can, try and include a variety, e.g.
Some sort of movement such as dancing or yoga
Something that uses your senses such as feeling a warm mug of tea in your hands
Something that gets you outside, even if it’s just by an open window
Something that makes you happy such as singing your favourite song
Something that connects you with yourself or others such as conscious breathing or texting a friend
The effect of spending these micro moments on yourself? It'll make you a better mother and better partner. Because with consistency you'll always know that you're going to get your micro recharge soon, so you'll be more impatient. You'll start looking forward to your time together and your time apart. You'll start becoming a more fun, more engaged, more motivated mother.
But most powerful of all is the magical snowball effect if these mini me-moments. Because the more you do them, the more you start noticing opportunities within your day to do more. And that one time change might just see you finally turning into the mother you hoped to be.
And who knows, maybe you'll reclaim some of those social media scroll time suck moments and exchange them for something more meaningful and more fulfilling.